Do any of these sound like you?
What it can sound like when shyness or social anxiety is running the show
These are some of the things people often tell me when they’re wondering whether shyness or social anxiety is taking up too much room in their life – and most of them, I’ve also felt myself.
If you read down this list and think yep, that’s me: there’s nothing wrong with you, and you don’t need fixing. You might just need somewhere to stretch gently, in the company of people who get it.
Public Speaking Panic + Performance Wobbles
“I get in a complete panic before presentations.”
Whether it’s a uni crit, a speech or a panel, your brain and body are screaming nope. That’s worth taking seriously, not just pushing past.
“I go red, my heart pounds and I start shaking when I have to talk in public.”
You’re not malfunctioning. That’s a very old, very human alarm system, doing its job a little too well.
“I get mind blanks when I’m speaking in front of others.”
Brain: let’s forget every word we’ve ever known, including your own name. It’s common, and there are gentler ways through it than white-knuckling.
“I waffle far too much because I’m so nervous.”
It’s OK. Waffles are delicious. With practice and the right tools, you can learn to release that self-judgement and express what matters.
Work, Study + Professional Life
“People talk over me.”
Whether it’s a seminar, a group project or a team meeting, it doesn’t mean your ideas aren’t worth hearing.
“I don’t say enough in meetings.”
Thinking carefully before you speak isn’t a flaw but most rooms are built for quick talkers – and your contribution is valuable.
“I find it difficult to say what I think to my boss, tutor or supervisor.”
Power dynamics are real, and they’re everywhere. You can find your way represent yourself and your ideas with confidence when it really matters.
“I question my ability, even when I get positive feedback.”
Self-doubt is real, and it’s got nothing to do with your ability or your CV.
Inner Critics + Mind Mazes
“I’m super critical of myself and feel like I’m never good enough.”
It’s worth getting curious about the inner critic – and about how to get it to quiet down.
“I’ve always been told that my quiet nature is going to hold me back.”
I was told that too, for years. There’s a lot of misunderstanding out there about shyness, introversion and sensitivity. It’s time for something kinder, smarter and more inclusive.
“I question myself a lot and end up not doing the thing that would have been right.”
That’s self-doubt and fear running the show. It’s possible to hear it without obeying it.
“I expect too much of myself. If I’m not 100% sure, I stay silent.”
That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Learning to let go of it is incredibly freeing.
Trying New Things + the Comfort Zone
“I feel sick with nerves before starting something new.”
A new job, a networking event, a party, a new group. That doesn’t mean you’re not ready. It usually means you care.
“I don’t like being out of my comfort zone, so I avoid situations that feel difficult.”
That’s a very sensible survival strategy. Comfort zones can also grow, a little at a time.
“I’d like to contribute to a volunteering project or a community group, but I keep putting it off.”
There’s often a gap between wanting to belong somewhere and walking in the door alone. The gap is real, and it’s not just for you to overcome alone.
Visibility, Vulnerability + Creative Nerves
“I hate sharing my work. People will think it’s bad, or I’m bad.”
Visibility doesn’t have to mean over-exposure. Capacity for it can be built slowly.
“I really struggle when I’m asked a difficult question about my work or ideas.”
You don’t have to know everything. You just need to know how to find your flow, and to feel safe enough to respond.
“I avoid talking about what I do because I feel awkward or small.”
You can believe in your work and still not have found the words for it yet.
“I’m an artist / writer / poet / researcher but I panic when I have to present or pitch my work.”
Your work is rarely the problem. The pressure around sharing it often is. It’s possible to soften the blocks that are holding you back, so you can express yourself and your ideas with more confidence.
If any of this feels familiar...
You might feel too sensitive, too weird, too awkward, too intense. In my experience, that’s rarely the whole story. More often it’s a sign you’re paying close attention, in a world that doesn’t always reward that.
None of this means you need to become a different person. It means some of it can loosen, with the right kind of practice, in the right kind of company.
If shyness or social anxiety is a big part of your story, you might want to read about the Gutsy Practice Group, my small-group course for exactly this. News of the next one will go out through the Get Gutsy newsletter.