How to Show Up When You’re Nervous: A Guide for the Quietly Courageous
We’ve all been there. The calendar notification appears, and your stomach drops. That thing you signed up for – the workshop, the presentation, the launch, the panel, the networking event – is tomorrow. And suddenly, every cell in your body is whispering (or shouting): Maybe we don’t have to go after all! Maybe we fake a minor illness. Or flee the country. Or both!
That feeling of wanting to retreat is not just normal – it’s wisdom. Your nervous system is trying to protect you. (Thanks, nervous system!)
Just signing up for this scary thing was gutsy and courageous. In the world of stories, we call this your Call to Adventure. Hearing that call, paying attention to it, and deciding to act – these are essential steps towards action, change and growth. And loads of people never even get that far. So be proud of yourself!
But (annoyingly) courageous moments rarely feel comfortable. The real magic waits on the other side of showing up. So let’s explore how to do that.
Feeling scared before a big event? Here’s what it really means
Your body speaks in sensations. The flutter in your chest. The tightness in your throat. The sudden fascination with reorganising your bookshelf – anything but think about tomorrow.
These physical signals aren’t your enemy. They’re just information. You’re not broken for feeling them; you’re human.
The cool thing? Your brain is bendy and shmooshy (aka wired for change), and when you learn to make bold moves in one area, your mind extrapolates that outwards. Whether it’s playing your first live gig in a while, turning up to the gathering with new friends, presenting your dissertation, or reading a new poem aloud, taking a step into the unknown – while holding yourself with compassion through the process – teaches your brain and nervous system that you’re safe to take reasonable risks in all areas of your life.
You’re building up a bank of evidence that you can do hard things and survive.
So try this: Place a hand on your heart and say hello to the nervousness. “Oh hi, old friend. I thought you would show up. I see you. You’re trying to keep me safe. Thank you.”
Get to know your fear (and why noticing it can help you perform, speak or show up)
Even if fear has felt like the dominant force in parts of your life for so long, you might not actually be that familiar with precisely how it manifests for you.
When we’re in a pattern of squashing down our fear, wishing it away, feeling utterly sick of it – we’re not in the habit of actually paying attention to it.
Why does this matter? Well, getting to know your fears gives you loads of clues about where you’re stuck and your path to more ease, flow and joy. And in this moment when you’ve signed up for the Big Scary Thing – and now actually have to show up – being familiar with your own fears gives you a massive head start.
Take a moment to write a short inventory of what your fear says, what it sounds like, and what it feels like in your body. What’s going on for you right now? Jot down your symptoms, scenarios and patterns. Then when one pops up, you’ll quickly be able to recognise it: “Oh hi, old friend”. It needn’t trip you up or hold you back, because you were expecting it all along – all part of the process! And you’ll know you’re exactly where you need to be, on the gutsy road to change.
How to prepare for a scary event when you’re shy or anxious
Unlike what mainstream confidence advice might suggest, you don’t need to ‘pump yourself up’ or ‘just push through’. Instead, try these gentler approaches:
Play it through
Take five minutes to close your eyes and imagine yourself moving through the entire experience – from getting ready, to travelling there, to being in the space, to coming home afterwards. Notice where the anxiety spikes, and give those moments extra tenderness in your planning.
Pack a comfort kit
What small objects might ground you? A smooth stone in your pocket. A special piece of jewellery. No crystals necessary – unless that’s your thing! Choose items that remind you of supportive people, good memories or help you connect to who you are.
Create arrival spaciousness
Plan to arrive early enough to sit in your car, on a nearby bench or in a quiet café for 10 minutes before you need to enter. This buffer allows your nervous system to settle into a new environment without rushing.
Give yourself a warm-up
You can Google voice warm-ups – they’re not just for professional singers or TED talkers. If you’ve ever had the experience of starting something nervous and then getting into the swing of it as you warm up, you already know this works.
By taking this care, you’re speaking to the part of you that’s scared and reassuring it you’re listening. We’re not rejecting this part of us anymore. You’re saying: “You’re part of me, I accept all parts of me, I hear you. It’s okay.”
Use imagination and play to feel braver in the group, in the spotlight or in the meeting
One of the most powerful tools we have – and one that’s often overlooked in traditional confidence advice – is the ability to play with different energies and characters. This isn’t about being fake; it’s about accessing parts of yourself that might be dormant but very much alive.
Maybe there’s a character in a film or book that you find inspiring – a wise magician, mischievous child, curious scrappy animal or reluctant but brave hero. Imagine how they’d stand or what they’d say if they were embarking on a similar adventure, or what guidance they might offer you.
In my workshops, we play with stepping into different roles and characters that help you access different modes of being. People discover parts of themselves that are unfamiliar or that they don’t normally allow to be seen. Trying on these characteristics shines a light on strengths you already possess.
If you’ve attended one of my workshops, try to conjure up a character you played that allowed you to tap into a different energy, power or confidence. Remember how it felt to be them. Move around as them. Turn up the volume on how that feels.
Maybe you met a protector or a guide who showed you what you need to take bold steps forward. Or perhaps you remember someone’s acknowledgement – a moment when they mirrored back all the wonderful gifts and creativity you have to offer, even before you could see it yourself. Picture them smiling, hear them clapping, and turn up the feelings.
If you haven’t been to one of my courses, you might have experienced this elsewhere. Or simply picture someone who deeply supports you – imagine them smiling, giving you all their attention, cheering you on as you take this brave step.
This kind of playful, embodied imagination work is something we dive into much more deeply in Gutsy workshops, where a supportive group environment amplifies these experiences. But even this small taste can help you access confidence and inspiration when you need them most.
✨ Curious to explore this for yourself? Gutsy workshops offer a playful, supportive space to experiment with new ways of showing up – without pressure to perform. They’re for anyone who’s shy, anxious or quietly courageous and wants to grow their confidence in their own way.
How to be brave without being perfect
Showing up doesn’t require perfection. You don’t need to be ready. You don’t need to be ‘new and improved’. You don’t need to be the most articulate, the most social or the most anything. Your presence – exactly as you are – is enough.
Remember that courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s moving with it, holding hands with it, bringing it along for the journey. You don’t have to become fearless to be bold. You don’t have to wait for things to be easy to make the changes you want in your life.
And if you need to step outside for air, speak more quietly than others, or participate in your own way? That’s not failure – it’s honouring your needs while still choosing growth.
After the event: How to reflect, recover and celebrate your quiet courage
After showing up for something challenging, take time to acknowledge what happened. Not just what you could have done differently (though gentle reflection has its place), but what went well.
Did you breathe through a difficult moment? Did you share something authentic, even if your voice shook? Did you simply stay when everything in you wanted to leave?
These are victories worth celebrating – not because they’re steps towards becoming someone else, but because they’re expressions of who you already are: a person with depths of courage, living inside your quiet nature. You are building evidence that you can do hard things, showing your nervous system that you can be safe even when you’re stretching your comfort zone.
A final word for the quietly gutsy (that’s you)
The road to becoming bolder, braver and more comfortable being seen and heard isn’t about eliminating fear – it’s about learning to dance with it. Learning that fear and nerves needn’t be stop signs, red alerts or problems.
The world needs more brave, gentle souls who show up as themselves – not despite their sensitivity, but because of it. Your way of being in the world, with all its thoughtfulness and care, is a gift.
So tomorrow, when that scary thing arrives, remember: you don’t have to do it perfectly. You get to embrace all parts of yourself – the nervous ones, the bold ones, the quiet ones, the surprising ones. You just have to do it as you – the quietly powerful person you already are.
Want more support to show up when it counts?
Come to a Gutsy workshop and discover how play, drama and imagination can help you build your confidence in a completely different way.
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